Soul Surviving Son
by McRaider
Summary: (COMPLETE) Steve isn't taking this well anymore, and while his friends desprately try to help him, they quickly find he might already be to far gone. Please read and review, Author's note up, please read. Thanks!
1. Twenty Years Earlier

Soul Surviving Son

By Stephanie Lynn Sapp

Summary--Steve remembers the death of his mother all to vividly, but now years later the death of his father will forever change him as he must come to terms to the fact he is all alone now. Or is he? Can his friends and sister help him come to terms with it. Everyone is watching and seeing the changes begin, some ride it off as pain and loss of a loved one, but soon when Steve becomes violent and mean they can no longer ride it off, Steve needs help and he needs it soon.

Rated-- PG for it's language and violence.

Author's Note-I haven't written DM in awhile, but this is a revision of my first story, Soul Surviving Son, which I have gone back and looked at, and decided it sucked. So here's a much better more in depth story, please read and review! Thanks

Chapter One-Twenty Years Earlier

            Fifteen-year-old Steven Sloan slept soundly beside the bed side of his dying mother. Mark was on duty and Carol at home getting some sleep, leaving Steve alone with his mother. She had been fighting breast cancer for nearly three years now. Mark had finally said that they were reaching her last days with them. While none of them really wanted to admit it, they knew it was true. 

            Steve awoke slightly when he heard a muffled groan from the bed, sitting up straight he leaned forward and looked at his mother. She had grown her hair back, which had been lost during the chemo. He gently ran a hand through her hair and smiled into her eyes. She looked at him, tears in her eyes as she gazed at her eldest child.

            "My handsome baby," she said reaching out and touching his cheek with her forefinger and thumb. He could feel tears welling in his eyes. Placing a hand over her's he looked at her, titling his head slightly.

            "Such a smart young man; always so full of life, Steve don't ever give up on your dreams. You can and will achieve anything you wish. Don't forget to have fun too. You're always so serious, but God didn't put you here just to protect those you love. Watch out for your sister, she needs you Stevie, especially now. Your dad is going to be hurting, give him some time before you try and talk to him. You will all need to come to terms," Steve watched tears falling from her eyes. With his free hand he reached out and wiped them away.

            "Mom, please don't leave us," he whispered in a cracked voice.

            "I love you baby, please don't ever stop believing that."

            "I love you too mommy," he cried, tears falling from his eyes now as he realized she was dying.

            "Tell Carol and Mark I love them."

            "Please mom, please mommy, I'll be good, just don't leave me," he cried. Katherine smiled, breathing harshly as he laid his head on her stomach and began to sob.

            "Don't cry for me my child, I'm going to a better place, we'll meet again baby."

            "I'm going to miss you," he whimpered as she continued to rub his back.

            "I know baby, come here give me a hug," she whispered. Steve rose his head from her stomach and leaned forward as she took him into his arms.

            "Here, I'm going to die happy, climb up here next to me, I haven't sung to you since you were a little baby boy," she said. She waited as the tall lanky boy climbed on the bed next to her. She wrapped an arm around his waist as he leaned his head onto her shoulder.
    
    Come stop your crying,
    
    It'll be all right
    
    Just take my hand
    
    Hold it tight now
    
    I will protect you
    
    From all around you
    
    I will be here don't you cry
    
    For one so small
    
    You seem so strong now
    
    My arms will hold you
    
    Keep you safe and warmness
    
    Bond between us
    
    Can't be broken
    
    Said wanna be here
    
    Don't you cry
    
    'Cause you'll be in my heart
    
    You'll be in my heart yeahhh
    
    From this day on
    
    Now and forever more, for more
    
    Why can't they understand
    
    The way we feel
    
    They just don't trust
    
    What they can't explain
    
    I don't see the different
    
    But deep inside us
    
    We're not that different at all
    
    You'll be in my heart
    
    Said you'll be in my heart
    
    From this day on
    
    Now and forever more... 
    
    you'll be in my heart
    
    No matter what they say
    
    you'll be right here in my heart always
    
    Always! always, always
    
    Don't listen to them
    
    'Cause what do they know 
    
    We need each other
    
    have, to hold
    
    They'll see in time
    
    I know, will show them together
    
    When destiny calls you
    
    You must be strong 
    
    I may not be with you
    
    But you got to hold on
    
    They'll see in time
    
    I know
    
    We'll show them together!
    
    'Cause you'll be in my heart 
    
    You'll be in my heart 
    
    From this day on
    
    Now and forever more
    
    You'll be in my heart 
    
    No matter what they say 
    
    You'll be here in my heart 
    
    Always
    
    Always!
    
    I'll be with you!
    
    I'll be there for you always
    
    Always and always
    
    Just look over your shoulder
    
    Just look over your shoulder
    
    Just look over your shoulder

I'll be there always

            The last few lines were weak, as Steve slowly began to join his mother in the singing. She ran a hand through his hair again and smiled.

            "I love you baby, goodbye," she whispered. Seconds later she was gone, Steve watched the line go flat, he got off the bed and hit the button above her bed, he stared at her, tears rolling down his pale face. Mark Sloan, his father rushed in, and stopped, walking over to his wife he shut off all the machines and sighed. Looking over at his son, Mark could tell the boy wasn't accepting it. Mark walked over to him and grabbed him into a hug. Steve, nearly as tall as his father began to sob into his shoulder.

            "I've got you, shh, we'll be okay buddy," Mark said as he continued to soothe his son and stare at the body of his wife. He leaned his head down to touch the boy's head and kissed it gently.

            "We'll get through this," he said.


	2. My Protector

Chapter Two-My Protector

          Steve sighed as he leaned back into the chair at BBQ Bob's, the restaurant he owned with his father and best friend Jesse Travis. It had been a rough couple days for Steve and his friends. They had been busy with the latest case involving a serial killer and rapist. The court date was set and until then the four friends would relax. Steve had been given two days from work, seeing as his need for sleep was growing by the hour. Jesse was thrilled to be going out of town to visit his father for awhile, and Amanda would be helping Mark at the hospital. Jesse brought out a large plate of four steak dinners.

            "Now this is good food," Steve said smiling as Jesse sat down beside him.

            "I'm just glad this case is over," Mark said eyeing his son wearily. 

            "Finally we'll get some real sleep tonight," Amanda said smiling. The talk continued like that for nearly twenty minutes, when suddenly the dinner was interrupted by a burst of the door flying open and a man in a black ski mask and black clothes stormed in, a AK47 in his hands.

            "Everyone on their knees now!" He yelled. Steve looked at his father, fear etched in their eyes. Everyone in the restaurant slowly knelt down.

            "Hands above your heads!" He continued to yell.

            "Just take it easy mister," Steve began, suddenly the gun man pointed his gun right at Steve's face.

            "Don't patronize me asshole," the gunman said. Steve's eyes moved to Jesse, Mark and Amanda. They're faces white with fear.

            "I'm sorry, I just don't want you to make a stupid decision, look I own this place, these are my friends and customers, I just want them all to leave alive," he said calmly.

            "Get up, go over to the cash registrar and give me all the money!" He yelled. Steve nodded, he began to remove his hands from his head when suddenly a flash of blinding pain hit him. 

            "STEVE!" Amanda and Mark yelled. Steve slowly lifted himself from the floor, touching his head where a large bruise and blood was.

            "Keep your hands where I can see them," Steve placed his hands back on his head and slowly hobbled over towards the registrar, not wanting to get this guy's goat, but at the same time having a lot of trouble focusing.

            "Hurry up dammit!" He yelled. Steve opened the drawer and began to remove the money. The gunman took the cash from him and then ushered him back towards the table. He began to walk towards the door, when he saw Steve's reflection in the window, as Steve was reaching for his gun. Mark saw both things happen at once.

            "NO!" He yelled loudly as the gunman turned around again, within moments a gun shot was heard and both Sloan men's bodies went down as Mark dove at his son to shield him from the oncoming bullet. There was silence, the gunmen quickly ran out of the building. Amanda looked at Jesse.

            "Call 911, I'll check them," she said. She slowly rolled Mark over onto her back and saw the gaping bleeding wound in his chest, he was dying. Steve slowly sat up, untouched except the mark on his head.

            "Dad!" He cried, he leaned over and began looked around for something to apply to the wound.

            "Steve…" Mark asked in a pained voice, pink froth coming from the corners of his mouth.

            "Don't talk dad, save your strength. What the hell were you thinking," Steve said, trying to keep the mood light as Jesse joined them. Neither Amanda nor Jesse said anything, knowing they're friend would die.

            "You," Mark whispered as he withered under a wave of pain.

            "I'm the cop dad, it's my job to get shot," Steve whispered.

            "I couldn't… he would have…kil…led you…" Mark said as Steve gripped his hand tightly. Steve shook his head.

            "Hold on dad, you're strong, the ambulance is on its way," he said, looking around he was trying not to panic.

            "WHERE THE HELL IS THAT AMBULANCE!" He yelled. Mark looked at them, pain taking over his body, then he saw her, standing only inches away, smiling. She came over beside his head and smiled.

            "Hello Mark," she said. 

            "Katie?" He asked in a haze. Steve looked at Jesse and Amanda.

            "It's almost time Mark, I know it hurts, but it won't for much longer," she said.

            "Can… I say….bye…" he asked pain ripping through his body again.

            "Of course," she said touching his forehead. He looked over at Amanda and Jesse, with all his strength he touched they're hands.

            "Love you…" he said, coughing. Steve tried to control his running emotions as his father's coughed up blood. 

            "Dad please, you're going to be fine," Steve said, pulling his father into his arms he held him close.

            "St….eve….i….love….you…so….much…" he whimpered as the pain began to ebb away and turn into warmth.

            "No, dad, please hold on," Steve said running a hand through Mark's hair. Mark looked over Steve's shoulder at Katherine's spirit, she smiled and touched Steve's shoulder.

            "It's time Mark," she whispered. Mark slowly took in a deep breath, and let it out, going limp in his son's arms.

            "No..no…no dad, please!" Steve yelled. Shaking his father gently. Jesse reached over and removed Mark from Steve's grasp.

            "Come on buddy, he's gone," Jesse whispered in a choked voice. His own heart breaking into a million pieces as he had just watched his friend die. Steve shook his head, under normal circumstances Steve would have easily been able to push Jesse aside, but his concussion along with the sudden loss he was rendered weak.

            "Jess, the ambulance is here," Amanda said.

            "Okay, tell them we need a…we need them," she nodded.

~~~~~~

            Steve sat in the hospital bed, feeling utterly numb, he couldn't believe his father was dead, it didn't feel right, but he was. The door opened slightly, as Jesse walked in, his face stained with tears.

            "Hey Steve, how are you feeling?" He asked. Steve didn't respond, but continued to stare ahead.

            "Well, I'm going to release you, I'm giving you some sleeping pills, I'll be by in the morning to check on you, um, Amanda will drive you home," Jesse said. Again Steve said nothing.

            "Look, Steve buddy, I know how hard this is…" Steve suddenly glared at him.

            "Your father is still alive," he hissed. Jesse sighed, the truth was Jesse had lost a father in Mark, one he had always wanted.

            "We all loved him Steve," Jesse said and walked out of the room. Amanda entered a few minutes later, she didn't say anything, simply helped him get dressed.

            "I won't ask if you're okay, since I know the answer already, if you need anything Steve, call me," she said as she helped him into her car. The ride to the beach house was silent. Amanda pulled up to the house and looked at it, she then looked over at Steve and saw the tears welling in his eyes.

            "Do you want to stay with me tonight?" He shook his head slightly, causing the world to spin slightly.

            "I'll be by in the morning, try and call your sister some time, don't worry about anything else. We already talked to Captain Newman, you have undetermined time off," Steve nodded numbly again and slowly opened the car door.

            "Steve," she called gently, he stuck his head back in. She had to admit he looked like shit.

            "We'll get through this, I promise," he simply nodded and headed towards his house. She watched him close the door behind him self and slowly pulled her car away from the house, her own heart breaking. 

            Steve slowly walked through the house, as though he were in a haze, any second he expected his father to come around the corner and talk to him, but he knew it wouldn't happen. He walked over to their leather couch and sunk down into it, not wanting to cry, but afraid that he wasn't feeling anything. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle of sleeping pills. Sighing he tossed the on the coffee table and headed over to the fridge, sighing he quickly grabbed a six pack and made his way over towards the couch.


	3. Author's Note

Author's Note: To Begin with I'm very sorry if you thought this was a chapter, I will be posting another soon, so please bare with me, school is keeping me busy beyond words. Anyway, I'm writing this to ask a favor from who ever may read this. I need help deciding a few things, and I need to ask the readers if I want to make those choices. I'm writing another story, a Diagnosis Murder story, or at least attempting. It's called Not A Day Goes By. It's from my challenge I wrote awhile back about Mark disappearing for twenty years after being injured and having amnesia. Anyway, the story/ series would take place over a good twenty years. Here's where you all come in, I need you to either email me at Smallone86@wideopenwest.com or submit a review telling me if you would rather the story being one long story, and each chapter be another part of their lives since Mark left, or if you want me to do several small stories. I know what I would like to do, but I'm more worried about my readers getting confused, each chapter would have a date, so that you knew when it was taking place, some parts might take two chapters, like the 9/11 chapter and such. Please let me know what you think, I'm interested. I don't know when this story will begin to be posted, as I've only got the outline right now, and I'm still finishing up Soul Surviving Son. Thanks for your time and patience!

Sincerely,

Stephanie Lynn


	4. A Step

allie351-Thank you, I'm glad you like it, I wasn't very sure of myself and how this was

going to go because this story was originally written by me when I was about twelve

and it wasn't very good, and I was afraid everyone having already read it wouldn't

want to read it again because they would think it was bad.

ACME-Rian-Thank you for telling me, I'm a idiot, I completely forgot about the disclaimer, I'm sorry. 

Thanks for the review, I'm glad you like it!

Forgotten Disclaimer--Hehe, sorry guys, I don't own anyone from Diagnosis murder, (boy

I wish I did though) I also don't own the song from Chapter one, which belongs to Phil Colins.

A/N: please read the Author's note just before this and respond if you get the chance

Your opinion does count!

Chapter Three-A Step

            Amanda opened the door to the Sloan beach house and suddenly realized that her best friend was indeed dead. Every where she looked there was some memory of Mark. His spirit seemed to be everywhere. She walked further into the house and wasn't surprised to see Steve fast asleep on the couch, however the six beer bottles lying out in front of him was a bit of a surprise. She quickly cleaned up the area and then moved over to wake him up. She gently shook his shoulder, his usual bright blue eyes slowly slid open to reveal pain filled, hazy, and teary, blood shot eyes.

            "Hi," she said softly. She didn't blame him for drinking himself into a stupor.

            "Hi," he said in a rough voice.

            "Can you stand up?"

            "Probably not, since I feel like I'm going to throw up."

            "How are you?"

            "Horrible, I didn't really sleep."

            "When did you finally fall asleep?"

            "Maybe an hour ago, how did CJ and Dion take the news?" He asked gently as he rose into a sitting position, allowing her to sit beside him. He leaned forward and rubbed his face.

            "Hard, they both cried themselves to sleep, but we're going to talk about it, I think we'll be all right. How are you holding up Steve?" He shrugged.

            "Fine, there's a lot of stuff that needs to be done," he whispered.

            "Steve, he's gone, and eventually you've got to face that," Amanda said watching him rise from his seat and stammer towards the kitchen.

            "I need to call Carol, Jack, Delores…" Amanda got up and placed her finger to his lips.

            "Steve, stop it, your dad is dead, I know it's only been a few hours, but you need to let out your grief."

            "Amanda, I'm fine," he said softly.

            "Steve, I'm not Jesse, and I'm not some dope who doesn't know you. I've known you for seventeen years, since you were eighteen years old. Jack and I are and were your best friends for a long time. You can't push me away, because I see beyond that cop mask you place on every day. I see a man in pain, who is afraid that if he lets down his guard he'll never get it back, am I right?"

            "Amanda," he said in a somewhat harsh voice, and then he softened slowly.

            "I'm fine really, I really need to make some phone calls, would you like to help me?" He asked gently. She touched his cheek and sighed.

            "Of course I will," she said smiling at him. Steve sighed and together they walked into the living room. Steve looked over at Amanda and slowly picked up the receiver, with a large sigh he began to dial his sister's phone number. It rang once, twice, three times, and just before Steve hung up he heard his sister's voice.

            "Hello," she said quietly.

            "Carol?" He asked.

            "Steve, what's wrong?" She asked confused. 

            "Were you sleeping?"

            "Yeah, I pulled a night shift, looks it's not important, what's wrong?"

            "Carol, I think you should get here, as soon as you can," he whispered.

            "Why, what's wrong?"

            "I don't and can't tell you over the phone, please Carol," she took a deep breath.

            "It's about daddy isn't it?" 

            "Yes, please Carrie, come home," he whispered. Carol was speechless by his voice, he sounded lost and sad.

            "I'll be on the next plane big brother."

            "Carol," he stopped, as Amanda gently held his hand.

            "Yeah Steve?"

            "I love you," he whispered. Something he hadn't told his sister for years. She paused.

            "I love you too," he hung up the phone gently and looked over at Amanda, who smiled gently at him.

            "I'll call Jack," she whispered, Steve gently nodded and watched her picked up his phone and dial.

            "Hi Jack, it's Amanda. Actually, I've been better. Mark was killed early yesterday afternoon," she paused a moment and smiled gently.

            "Thank you Jack, I know Steve would feel better if you were here too," she finished and hung the phone up.

            "How am I ever going to survive without him Amanda?" He asked quietly. Amanda turned slightly to face him and smiled softly. Reaching out she touched his cheek, she watched a single tears fall from his eyes. She knew Steve had feelings, but he often hid them while in front of those close to him. So he could protect them.

            "You'll survive, we'll make sure you do. When I got divorced you use to come over to my house late at night, do you remember that?" She asked. He nodded gently.

            "We would sit on my couch for hours, just talking over ice cream or coffee. You let me cry on your shoulder, you held me. Above all else you never told anyone either. You understood, that was our friendship, you were there when I really needed you. Now it's my turn Steve, you need your friends, and I'm here. Call me or come see me when you need to. I'm here to help you, don't feel you have to protect me, or yourself. I won't think less of you if you cry." 

            "I'm afraid if I let go, I won't get it back," he whispered. She sighed.

            "I know you are, but if you let go now, you'll be able to get it back, you might not later." He nodded and slowly got up from the couch.

            "I've got to go," he whispered.

            "Okay, Steve, are you really okay?" He sighed and looked at her.

            "No, but I'll get there," he said calmly walking out of the house, she watched him until his car pulled away and she shook her head, knowing this would be a long and winding road.


	5. Accepting the Truth

ACME-Rian--Thanks for the review, however Amanda and Steve are NOT in love. 

You'll noticed they have a good friendship in all my stories but they aren't ever

In love. We'll see what I can do about the story.   

Allie351--Thanks for the review, like I said every opinion counts and yours is one of my bests!

Most likely I will begin to post the new story as soon as I can after Soul Surviving Son. 

Alf--Thank you very much for both inputs, and actually I had planned on posting today because I 

Wouldn't be able to do it tonight since I'm trying out for a large part in a school play and going

To rehearsals for the one I'm already in. I'm blame the unsteady rate of posting to school.

Chapter Four-Accepting the Truth

            Two days later it was obvious to everyone that Steve was doing everything possible to avoid his friends and survive. Amanda could tell by his bloodshot eyes he was drinking as well as not sleeping at all. Carol and Jack had both been on the receiving end of his many short temper spurts lately. Jesse was dealing with his own stress on the other hand, while dealing with Mark's loss he was also trying to deal with that fact that Jack was back and Jesse was being ignored.

            Amanda sighed as she saw Carol walking through the halls of the hospital, placing the folder in her hands down on the nearby desk she looked at the older woman.

            "What's up Carol?" Amanda was handling it best of the entire group, Carol had already talked to her, and cried. When Steve had told Carol she had broken down into sobs. He had easily scooped her up and held her as though she were a mere child again.

            "It's Steve, I think he's drinking," she said softly.

            "Drinking, as an abusing?" She asked.

            "Yes, I know it sounds harsh, but I'm worried about him."

            "All right, well the funeral is tomorrow, let's see how he is then." Carol sighed and slowly nodded.

            Looking back Amanda knew she wouldn't remember much from the funeral. Steve and Carol showed up, Carol in black and Steve in a black suit and tie. He held his sister close to him as she tried to keep from breaking down. Jesse had also shown up in a nice suit, he looked tired and broken, his eyes swollen, revealing he wasn't handling it as well as she thought he had. She had made a mental note to talk to him as soon as they got a chance. Jack had shown up last, looking worse for the wear, but all right. Amanda vaguely remembered how straight and strong Steve seemed to be throughout the entire visitation. 

            She had stood back in the back of the room as Steve slowly walked to the casket, his sister only feet away. Reaching forward Steve touched his father's cold clammy face.

            "You put me into this world, it's my fault you left. I'm sorry Dad, it should have been me," he whispered. Straightening he headed towards his sister and held onto her tightly as she sobbed, Amanda noticed not once did Steve shed a tear.

            The service began a few minutes later, Steve, Amanda, Carol and Dora sitting up front. There were many people there, from the precinct, from the hospital, and other various old friends of Mark's.

            "Thank you all for coming," Father Ferguson began. 

            "Your presence here this evening is a tribute to Mark Sloan and the legacy of caring he left behind him. We know that this is a difficult time for his children Carol and Steven. But we are also comforted by the knowledge that Mark is the father now, who cares and nurtures all of us, and to whom we return when we leave this mortal life behind...."

            Steve heard the words the priest spoke, but was unable to really make sense of it all. Mark was no longer on this earth as the man he had known and loved. But he had returned to the center of all things, his spirit had joined that of the One Thing in the cosmos, until such time he would be born again into this mortal existence, and the cycle of his lives would continue. It made it easier, somehow, translating the concepts into language he could understand, concepts which made sense to him. 

            The priest was concluding his opening remarks, many of which were directed specifically at Steven and Carol. Steve didn't really hear the final words as Carol leaned deeply on his hand, trying to grasp something as well. They were both trying to find themselves at the moment. Steve in his own way by running himself raged, Carol by actually grieving. Steve's breath caught in his throat at Jack stood up in front of them and smiled gently.

            "I met Mark when I was eighteen, he had recently lost his wife, and was busy raising his own children, Steven who was 21 and Carol who was 17. I remember Mark first telling me about his son Steve and how he missed him. Steve was in Vietnam during the time. Mark needed someone as much as I needed him. I was such a jerk, I was so sure of myself, and Mark just took me, and straightened me out. He gave me the second chance I needed to get my act together. He taught me everything he knew, he would spend afternoons he wasn't working, with me teaching me everything about medicine. His son returned a year later after being injured in duty, and I was so scared I would be pushed aside, by this time I was enrolled in Medical school, and couldn't afford to lose him. But Mark, no he didn't push me away, as far as he was concerned he had two sons now. He took me in and together Steve and I learned from him and each other. It didn't matter to Mark that I was some punk, he loved me just the same, and for that… I'm grateful. Thanks Mark," Jack finished and walked towards Steve. Steve stood up, and Jack pulled him into a hug.

            "I love you buddy," Jack whispered. Steve said nothing, trying to get past the lump in his throat.

            "I love you too bro," Steve said. Jack sat down and smiled as Amanda was the next person to get up.

            "I also met Mark when I was about eighteen or nineteen, I was involved in a foster program at the time, and he showed up to help my mom and dad. Mark didn't really care who you were, he always found a spot in his heart for you. Even criminals. Mark was a consultant for the Police Department Steve was on. Mark used to call himself the black sheep of the family. Because so many people in his family were cops, and he was a doctor. But every time you saw Mark go to work, you knew deep down he was the best of both worlds. Mark had one of the most amazing brains anyone could ever get the chance to work with. He solved every case he ever worked on, usually driving his son nuts."

            "Mark wasn't one of those guys who wrote to his children every couple months and let it go. Mark's son moved in with him shortly after his house burnt down, leaving Steve with no place to live. Of course there was no question that Mark would take him in. The relationship between Mark and his son was incredible. I can remember the many conversations I would have with him while Steve was off in the war. It always helped him to talk about it, and Mark loved to talk about Steve. He used to tell me how proud he was of his son Steve, for the way Steve held the family together when Katherine died."

            "When Mark lost his wife he lost part of himself and had to learn how to deal with that, but he had his son to go to. He used to tell me that it was Steve that kept him from self-destructing. Steve and Carol. But it wasn't just his friends, Mark would tell anyone and everyone about his children, Mark was probably the proudest father around. He would tell patients about his amazing daughter who was a nurse and his handsome son who was the best cop in town. To Mark it didn't matter that both his children weren't perfect, all that mattered was that they were his."

            "He gave everything he had to helping those around him, whether it was a patient, a friend, a fellow doctor, or his children. He would go to any length, and often times he did. Steve used to think that his father hated him being a cop, but the pride and faith Mark had in his son was unlike anything else."

            "Mark wasn't the kind of guy to make a person walk away, a younger doctor. Jesse Travis came shortly after Jack left the hospital. He was a unsure young man, and Mark was quick to love him. If you didn't know Mark you would think Jesse was his son as well. He talked of both Steve and Jesse highly. It was no surprise to me when he was talking to a patient a year ago and slipped saying yes my sons Jesse and Steve. I smiled, he told me not to tell anyone, but in reality he also told me that he adored both his sons, surrogate and real. It was true Mark was easy to love, very easy to love," she said. Finishing she walked towards Carol and Steve, giving them both hugs she stepped behind them and sat down beside Jesse, who was crying. Reaching over she gripped his hand and kissed his cheek.

            "He loved you Jesse," Steve gripped Carol's hand for a moment then stepped up to the podium and smiled gently. He wiped a tear away quickly and took a deep breath.

            "My father…he was a kid at heart, I will always remember the moments he used to run around the house with Carol and I playing cowboy and Indians late into the night. One of my earliest memories with my father was a few weeks before my sister Carol was born. I was three years old, and scared that when my sister or brother was born that he and mom would forget about me. My father… lifted me into his arms and held me closely all that night, singing to me, whispering. He never left my side for a minute. When my sister was born two weeks later he spent the entire time sitting with me in his lap, telling me how much he loved me. It was what my dad called our time. He loved our time, when he had a day off he would take me up to a cabin in the hills and spend time fishing with me, or just talking. My dad was a good listener, he listened to everyone. I think it came from being stuck around me, I wasn't a good talker until I got to eighteen, my father could con anything out of me. If I was feeling sad he would sit by me on this log just outside our beach house and talk to me. My mother was never surprised to find us sitting there. When I told my father I was going to Vietnam, he didn't yell, or scream, or even cry. What he did that day is something I'll never forget in all my life. He stood in front of me and with a strained voice he told me that he loved me and wanted me back in once piece," Steve stopped looking back over at the casket.

            "Dad always had little projects, that's what I called his friends that soon turned into another part of his seemingly large extended family. So it was no surprise that when Jesse Travis joined the staff at CGH, not only was his first day spent solving a mystery but it was spent getting to know me. My dad used to joke about me being the stereotypical cop, but he was never angry that I wanted to be a cop. When I was eight I asked him what should I be when I grow up, he looked at me with his crystal eyes and smiled. 'Whatever you want Stevie, because you are your own man.' He told me. It took time for me to realize what he meant, but I thank God for a father like him," Steve sighed, closing his eyes he felt the tears begin to fall. Walking towards Amanda and Carol he was met by hugs.

            The rest of the funeral went on, and to Steve it was a mere blank. Not knowing what was going on, but that at some point he remembered dropping a flower on his father's casket and walking away with in Amanda's hand in his. He didn't know what happened to his sister, but he wasn't really ready to accept what had happened just yet. He walked towards the car with Amanda and sighed as he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking down he said Dion crying slightly. He reached down and lifted the boy into his arms.

            "You were my father's biggest project, I know it sounds mean, but he adored you and CJ, he wanted you both to know that. You were the grandkids we hadn't given him, thank you," Steve whispered as Dion hugged him tightly. 

            "I love you Uncle Steve," he whispered. 

            "I love you too kiddo," Steve said and put him back down, he looked at CJ and smiled.

            "I love you both," he whispered. CJ gave Steve a large hug and then allowed the man to stand up.

            "We're all going back to your house, for the wake, how are you?" She asked.

            "I'm all right, my sister is waiting, I'll see you back at the house," he said gently. She nodded and got into her car as he walked back to his car. He looked up at he felt rain drops fall on his head.

            By the time they arrived back at the house it was pouring, fitting most of the moods. Steve tried his best to be social able, but it was getting harder and harder with each passing moment. Finally as people were leaving Steve made an excuse and slipped downstairs. Amanda, Jesse, Jack and Carol were all staying the night so he didn't really worry about them. He sat down on his couch and slowly downed a bottle of brandy before heading off to bed.

            For hours Steve just laid there, thinking why he was still wide awake, finally getting up Steve slowly headed upstairs, unable to think of anything, he wasn't thirsty, but he wasn't tired. He headed out onto the deck and sat down softly. He had been there for about twenty minutes when he heard movements, he didn't have to turn to know it was his sister.

            "Hey honey," he whispered. She sighed and looked at him.

            "I couldn't sleep, it's hard to, when you keep thinking about the minutes you spent with him," Steve sighed.

            "I know," he whispered. She watched as he outstretched his arms. She quickly walked towards him and lowered herself into his lap like she had as a small child.

            "It was so hard seeing that, I just wanted to cry, it's not fair," she whispered. He nodded and pulled her closer.

            "I can't help but think of the things I should have told him in the end."

            "He knew Steve. He knew we both loved him," she said. He nodded and held her. 

            "I miss him," and soon the sobbing began. He simply held her as she continued to sob with all her heart. He couldn't let his own tears come though, as he felt his shoulder being soaked.

            "We'll get through this Carol," he whispered.

            "I love you big brother," she whispered. He nodded, and together they sat there, she continued to whimper as he thought, eventually both falling fast asleep in each other's arms.


	6. People Change

Alf-Thank you, I'm very thankful, I like how you explain what I am or aren't doing right, it gives me the chance

To step and look at what I have. However, I suggest you don't guess or you might give something away, I'm not

Saying more than that! The full story should be on my website soon, as my friend and I are working on it together.

Keep the reviews, thanks!

Allie351-Thank you for your beautiful comments, I'm glad my characters are emotionally well done, I do my best

And I like to know that my best is appreciated. Thank you very much, and stay tuned for Not A Day Goes By, which 

Is full of emotions! Believe me, I've had to write them and they're tough! Thanks again!

Chapter Five-People Change

            Two weeks flew by quickly, Amanda had accepted what happened and was trying to get through it as well, Jack was helping her. Jesse was going through his own grieving process. Steve on the other hand just wasn't facing it. Shortly after the funeral Amanda found Steve seemed to be drinking more and more often, and working longer hours. 

            They rarely saw him, and while it was bothering her, she just tried to remain on the idea that he was just grieving. However, part of her couldn't stop thinking that something was very wrong with her friend.

            Steven sat at his desk, he had been pulled off the streets after he was charged with reckless endangerment. Lately he had been going off at everyone and anyone that even looked at him wrong. The smallest things set him off. Two days earlier he had attacked Jack, and now the younger doctor was steering clear from him for a while. 

            "Sloan!" He heard the Captain calling him. He heard a couple of snickers. In the past two weeks Steve's reputation had gone down quickly. Many cops knew he had a drinking problem by now, and that the Captain had been keeping him on the squad for reasons only known to him.

            "Shut up!" Steve glared at them all. Most of them walked away shaking their heads. Steve slowly got up and headed into the Captain's office.

            Jim Newman took a good look at his former best Detective; Sloan now had a rough beginning of a beard, there were bags under his eyes that could qualify as luggage, his eyes were also blood shot red. His hair was mussed up, his clothes weren't as neat as they were with his father around, and in all truth he reeked of alcohol. For a while Captain Newman had put off the signs of alcoholism and placed it on the loss of a loved one and grieving. But as he watched, he could see all the signs sticking out, and he knew this was no longer just about a lost love one. Steve would endanger the lives of any person he was around if he continued this way, and Newman wouldn't have that.

            "What happened to you Sloan?" He asked. Steve looked at him.

            "What are you talking about? I'm fine?" Steve said. Newman shook his head.

            "No Sloan, you're not. Let's be honest here Steve, you've got a problem, and don't tell me you don't, because everyone has seen it. I ignored the problem for awhile, thinking you'd be fine after you got over your father's death, but it's obvious you won't be. So I have to take a course of action."

            "What are you talking about?" Steve asked.

            "Hand in your badge and gun Lieutenant; I'm suspending you indefinitely, with pay. Sloan, I'm giving you this chance to get your act together, please don't make me fire you. You're my best detective." Steve looked at him.

            "I don't have a problem."

            "Yes you do Steve, look at yourself! You're a damn mess, I don't even know who you are anymore. I used to look at you as a son, I'm disappointed in you Sloan. Now leave and get yourself better, I won't have a alcoholic on my squad," Steve said nothing but quickly got up and left. Cheryl Banks, his friend and partner watched him all the way out and shook her head.

            Cheryl decided as she watched her close friend and partner leave to bring a doctor in on this situation. She sat down at her desk and quickly dialed CGH.

            "Dr. Stewart," Jack answered, Cheryl took a deep breath, unlike Steve and Amanda she didn't really know Jack, but she trusted him.

            "I need you to watch Steve, he's in real bad shape," she said calmly.

            "Cheryl, wait I'm confused, I can't hear you really well, tell me what exactly happened?"

            "Steve was just suspended from his duties, he's not going to take it well, it was the only thing he had left Jack, I know it."

            "All right, I'll go check on him as soon as I can, don't worry Cheryl. Steve's a strong guy, he'll be fine."

            "Jack, he's also really hurting," Cheryl said. Jack sighed, rubbing his temples he thought silently to himself.

            "Thanks Cheryl, Amanda and I will go together. I'll call you as soon as I know something," he said calmly. 

            "Thanks Jack."

            "No problem, bye." Jack quickly hung up the phone and pocketed it. Hurrying towards the doctor's lounge he found both Jesse and Amanda talking quietly between each other over some coffee.

            "Jack," Amanda said looking at him.

            "We've got to go, Steve might be in trouble. Cheryl just called, she said he was just suspended. She thinks he's been drinking, and she's afraid he might do something," both Jesse and Amanda's eyes grew wide. Getting up they grabbed their jackets and headed out to Amanda's car.

            Steve slowly walked around the beach house, a bottle of boos in one hand, and in the other a gun. Lamps were all over the floor in pieces, and a picture frame of Mark and Katherine was lying on the floor shattered to fragments. There was blood dripping off Steve's hand, as he quietly muttered to himself. Walking over to the frame he lowered himself to the ground, never feeling the pieces of glass embedding into his legs and knees. He looked at the picture as he slowly brought it up to his chest.

            "You left me, how could you!" He yelled at the picture, tears were slowly falling from his face as the anger from the past few weeks resurfaced.

            "You left me to die! Left me alone, to be alone, you left me! You saved me and then you left me!" He yelled. Getting back up he began to walk around the house again. He never heard the door open, or saw Jack come in, Amanda and Jesse flanking him. 

            Steve angrily flung the bottle across the room, watching it smash into a thousand shards all over the floor, dropping to his knees he raised the gun to his temple.

            "Steve, don't do it," a voice called. Steve jumped as he looked up and saw Jack standing in front of him, with Amanda and Jesse at his sides.

            "He left me! He left me! His only son!" Steve yelled. Jack shook his head.

            "No Steve, he saved your life, so that you could go on." Jack said.

            "Steve, think about this, you're not alone, you've got Jack, and Jesse and me. What about CJ and Dion? The force needs you too Steve," Amanda said walking a little closer.

            "Stay away!" He yelled holding the gun towards her. At first she jumped, but then she realized he wouldn't do it. That wasn't Steve, Jack and Jesse watched her move a little closer.

            "You don't want to shoot me do you Steve? And I don't think you really want to shoot yourself. I know it hurts Steve, believe me. But hurting yourself and drinking yourself into oblivion isn't the answer."

            "Why isn't! Why shouldn't I drink myself to death! Or shoot myself?" He said angrily.

            "Because you're an honorable man, and no honorable man would do that," Amanda moved closer and gently put the gun down.

            "You aren't alone in this Steve, and your dad didn't leave you, he loved you enough to give you something back. Your life, don't waste it this way," she said. She saw Steve's resolve slowly breaking, he buried his face in his hands. Amanda knelt down in front of him and gently removed the gun, she handed it to Jack and took Steve into her arms, and held him as he began to sob loudly on her shoulder.

            "Shh, it's okay Steve, we'll get there, it's okay," she said as she held him. Jack sighed and gently led Jesse out of the room, leave Steve some dignity.

            "Call the hospital, we'll have him admitted."

            "Okay," Jesse said.

            "Jesse, I haven't known you very long, but, time or not, I want you to know that I'm here for you too. Not just Steve and Amanda. I want us to get along. I know it hurts for you too," Jesse looked at the taller dark doctor.

            "Thanks Jack."


	7. Epilogue

Adsh-Thank you for the idea, however I did not use it because I'm afraid this doesn't need

Any more depressing stuff in it, and I have no desire to make Steve feel that horrible. This will

The the final chapter and then I will begin posting the next story which is very long.

Allie351-Thank you, I love the emotions that I can have come across in characters, many say it's 

Because I have all of them in me somewhere. Well thanks again and please review, the next story should begin by Friday morning, please let me know what you think!

Alf-While it was out it seemed out of character, to be fully honest I can see Steve breaking over the

Death of his father, I've seen the strong reduced at death, it hurts. Anyway, thank you for the review, Carol went home, so that's why she wasn't in it. Um, the next story will be up soon so please review! Thanks!   


Epilogue-The Truth

            The blue eyes slowly slid open, machines beeping. He could feel something down his throat, as well as air being forced into his lungs. It felt like there was something sitting on his chest. Had he really just dreamed that, had that really happened? Was he really alive? He continued to look around and finally his crystal eyes fell upon the figure fast asleep beside him in a chair. His hair ruffled, his eyes had bags under them, but he looked all right. His head was lying against his waist. Reaching his hand out he gently stroked the soft hair. He wasn't surprised when he rewarded with a slight moan and then the same crystal blue eyes looking at him.

            "Dad?" Steve asked as he slowly sat up. He realized his father was awake, and alive. Sitting up Steve hit the button over the head of the bed and then looked back at his dad. He reached for the hand that had touched his head and held it, as though if he let go his father would leave him. The door opened and Jesse walked in, a smile wide on his face.

            "Welcome back Mark," Jesse said, after a quick examination, he looked at Mark and nodded.

            "I'm going to remove the ventilator, you know how this works, so give me a cough and we'll take it out," with in seconds Mark was coughing as the tube came up. Steve helped him take a quick sip of water and smiled.

            "Are you all right?" Mark asked his son.

            "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

            "What happened?" Mark asked again.

            "You saved my life. I was playing hero and you jumped in front of a bullet for me, you nearly died," Steve said, Mark detected the pain in his son's voice. He looked at his son, had it all been a dream?

            "How long have I been out?"

            "You've been in a coma for three weeks, we were starting to wonder if you'd wake up," Steve said calmly.

            "I had this horrible dream, that I died… and…" Mark stopped.

            "Dad, it's okay, we're fine now," Steve said smiling.

Four weeks Later

            Steve found his father sitting on the beach a few days after returning home, shaking his head Steve smiled and sat down beside him.

            "Want to talk about it?" Steve asked. Usually it was him in this place and Mark questioning him.

            "I had this horrible dream that I died, and you lost all faith. You started drinking, you got depressed and you were almost fired, and…Amanda had to stop you from killing yourself," Mark said.

            "Dad, I'm okay, you're the one I'm worried about."

            "Steve, promise me something," Steve looked over at his father, raising an eyebrow.

            "Sure, anything."

            "When I do die, promise me you won't forget you're not alone. It may seem that I'm gone, but I will always be in your heart and mind, you've got Amanda, Jesse, Carol and Jack," Mark said looking at his son.

            "Dad, I'll make you this promise instead. When you do die, which will be years from now, I will do everything within my power to remember that you always loved me and most of all I will do my best to understand why it is your gone." Steve said.

            "I love you Steve," Mark whispered. Steve leaned forward and hugged his father.

            "I love you too dad, and it's good to have you back, in one piece." Steve said smiling.

A/N: I know it's short, but please let me know what you think!


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